if you were on death row

[takncarabizniz]

I am very sorry for your loss.  My cousin went much the same way, drinking himself into a stroke, then passing about two years later, it was an ugly transition for him.

I lost a brother to alcohol as well.  He actually was driving drunk after playing with his band at a bar, hit a patch of ice and went over an embankment.  He might have survived had he been wearing his seatbelt, but was ejected out the windshield and the car landed on him.  It's been almost 10 years and it's still like it was yesterday. That tragedy was compounded when another brother, who had been suffering mini-strokes for about a month, suffered a major stroke and died the next day.  He was under so much stress, his wife had just been diagnosed with IBC, he had a young daughter and was being forced to travel almost weekly for his job.  Talk about a double whammy. 
 
My father was an abusive alcoholic, and ended up in Schick/Schadel, which saved his life, though I'm not sure it was worth it... and I have another brother who is an alcoholic and will likely die of the effects of such.  My mother woke me up out of a stupor when I had to move home after leaving college and said "you look like you've been drug through a knothole backward".  She was a nurse and knew exactly what was happening at that point.  I made the choice to simply stop, because it was breaking her heart and she had been through so much with Dad that I thought, I can't do this to her.  I stopped cold and then only drank occasionally until my wedding, when I enjoyed one glass of champagne and have had nothing since then.  I quit using all drugs that day too, and even when my hubby, then boyfriend, was still smoking pot, I resisted, and just smoked cigarettes...and when he told me how much he hated that and didn't think we should have kids till I stopped, I stopped smoking that day and never looked back.  But I gotta tell you, the urge to drink and smoke is always there.  Especially with booze, it's a vicious, vicious animal.  I have dreams about smoking though, and it seems like as soon as I wake up, I am no longer feeling that urge, but drink, well, that's a daily battle and I have always trusted my husband to keep me on the right path and my mother's memory to help me get through each day.

The way I have dealt with my past is to not hide from it, and although I don't spend considerable time discussing it, I try to be honest enough with myself to openly admit, yeah, I screwed up my life royally for a while...

[KensanIV]

Taken, I understand... My family seems like candidates for Saint hood comparatively speaking, I know we cannot force those we love to do anything, if they re determined to close their minds to our pleading.

I can see the wisdom in your decisions.

[pacifica]

Takn, you've done the work, now you reap the rewards. I'm sure and hope you've taken heart in that - as you say, after the low point of issues and your blessed-from-above mom, nurse, no less, who helped you through a low point and your decades since of proven success ------just think. After all these years of proving yourself and with blessings from you and team hubby......you two can enjoy the fruits of your labor. In that, just think, if you want in the future, in your new acreage home, say on a weekend or after retirement

to enjoy if you want occasionally, a spirit of your choice, kicking back on your deck, sipping a drink of your choice. Cheers to your success.

You can, with a clear conscience certainly enjoy the moments to come that you've earned. Life is for enjoying these moments that you've sweated and toiled for all these years. As you say, you 'only drank occasionally' - and this was even at a time decades ago near/after the low point. Piece of cake now. So certainly hope you've given yourself credit.