Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
03 29, 24, 10:13:21:AM

Login with username and password

Biden Does NOT need a BILL to close the border
He only needs a PEN. Thats all he needed to open it.
Thats all he needed to close it. Thats all Trump needed.
Maybe this is just Proof Trump is better than Biden.

Search:     Advanced search
2653716 Posts in 297947 Topics by 306 Members
Latest Member: chachamukhtar
* Website Home Help Login Register
 |  General Discussion (Anxiety Free Zone)  |  Daily Life  |  Topic: I don't know but when I'm scared 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Pages: 1 2 Print
Author Topic: I don't know but when I'm scared  (Read 1963 times)
luvtimes
Honored Member

Posts: 9998


« on: 06 10, 10, 09:49:54:AM » Reply

I find myself saying out loud... " I want to go home"  and I snap right out of it and say "Stupid You Are Home"....
 
I've heard folks say that home is where the heart is... and I question.... Is my heart here?
 
walking out in the garden helps....but after the elephant weeds... I cry...again...
 
I want to go home! 
 
I guess a pic would mean a thousand words....but I'm so ashamed and the reason I want to to home...this garden is not my home... I don't like weeds at all and I fight them tooth and nail...I can't wait til fall when I replant everthing...everything....
 
later... I'm going to have a good cry and go out and tackle those damn elephant weeds again....
 
 
 
 
nannat6
Full Member

Posts: 421


« Reply #1 on: 06 10, 10, 10:10:56:AM » Reply

It doesn't sound like your heart is in where you are now.............we have moved a good bit and even though we liked it here in SC, I have felt from the start that it was not "home."  Wasn't sure if it was just the house or the entire place......and 9 yrs later we  are moving again.......Hoping "home" will be where we are moving......Never felt like where I was raised was "home" either, so home IS where your heart is, just seems my heart has not settled yet and so it seems with you............Sorry you are feeling so down, I know what that is like............I hated one place we lived for 9 yrs and was very depressed much of the time because of that........Hope you bounce back before long........
takncarabizniz
DEFLECTION IS THE WEAPON OF COWARDICE !
Contributor
Sr. Member

Posts: 63979

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~


« Reply #2 on: 06 10, 10, 11:18:28:AM » Reply

Luv, I just "went home" last weekend...and in a way, you can never go home again.  The home I grew up in is gone, replaced by a tiny crackerbox house with no personality...all the trees save for 2 are gone, my mother's huge gardens, where we spent our lives weeding and cultivating to grow our food, gone...her gorgeous lilacs gone...so I visited her new home...a 2' X 3' granite slab outside of town...and I pulled the weeds and the long crab grass that obscured part of her name, gave her fresh flowers and cried...and cried...and realized that home is where your heart is...for me, it's with my wonderful husband and my son...and I await days when my older son sends me an email or calls to tell me he's okay...and I tend the gardens and pull the weeds, and dig up the flowers and plants that the neighborhood hellions have trampled...and I cry, and I cry and then I see a new bud on the roses, or a new bloom on the clematis or honeysuckle or spy a hummingbird on the wing...see an eagle soaring high above me, or listen and take in the splendor of hearing the juncos chatter as they tend their babies...
 
And I realize that this home is everything that it can be, because I am here to enjoy it, to savor it, to nurture it...
 
And for the time being...it is where my heart will be...Nothing will ever replace the mountains back home, the rolling grasslands, the uncompromising beauty of seeing an elk, a moose, eagle, antelope, deer, coyote, pheasant, wild turkey and bison, all on the same trip...but...
 
God blesses us in so many different ways, but he also has given us the eyes to see, the mind to think, the heart to feel...for ourselves...we must make our lives the best that we can, accept the good with the bad, and strive to make each day a little better.
 
And so for each day, I find a sense of peace...
 
 
sunshine
Contributor
Sr. Member

Posts: 18077


« Reply #3 on: 06 10, 10, 12:42:17:PM » Reply

I must have moved a dozen times myself after moving away from home. I have been in this house now for 9 years...this is my home now. I hate going back to Misery...I mean Missouri where my childhood home is. At least it's still there to go to and mom is still there. :-)  ♡☀
nannat6
Full Member

Posts: 421


« Reply #4 on: 06 10, 10, 09:35:27:PM » Reply

I know what you are  saying, Sunshine..........but I will be glad when we get mom moved (and us) so I don't have to go back to the town I grew up in........nothing there for me and nothing there when I was a kid...........We can go only once a year IF we want to to see hubby's side of family........Time they made the trips to see us since he is 4 and 8 yrs older than his siblings but we are the ones expected to make the (will be) 13 hr trip.........NOT
emilyB
Contributor
Sr. Member

Posts: 20412

Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength


« Reply #5 on: 06 10, 10, 10:33:33:PM » Reply

My two brothers and sister are in England where we were all born and my sister always asks me "when are you coming home again" and I don't have the heart to tell her that I am home, but when I get ready to visit I find myself telling people that I am going home for a visit.  Last time back I went to the little village where our daughter was born before we emigrated and nothing had changed.  Our little brick built home was just the same, the front door was still painted aqua blue and the shed at the bottom of the garden was still standing.  It was a semi-detached bungalow and our very first home of our own and most surprising of all the same neighbor still lived next door.
 
We have moved around in California and now Oregon and wherever we settle that is home for the time being.  I put all the photos up and all the junk I have carted from house to house is displayed - getting more "antiquey" as the years roll on and the family still come to visit and love it even though they have flown the nest.  I have my better half and our dog to fuss over, although my "baby" is not doing well.  We still ask ourselves if we should have put him through the surgery to remove the giant tumor last January or just let him go.  We are going through a few tests at the vets with him and the bills are mounting!!  Another full blood panel next week. 
 
Takn - you put it so eloquently that your home is where your heart will be for the time being, and as long as you nurture and enjoy it, it will give you the comfort that "home' is all about.
 
 
luvtimes
Honored Member

Posts: 9998


« Reply #6 on: 06 11, 10, 07:36:49:AM » Reply

thanks for the words of encouragement...
 
I do like the house that I am in... I just want to move it to a better environment....I've posted some of the issues here and trust that....it's all true...frightening to say...
 
I just never thought in my life that my surroundings would be so....hopeless...
 
I always thought I could move anywhere in the world and be ok... wrong... live and learn...
 
Sure I'm grateful for a lot of things for good reason....when I first came here I thought I could fit in... and today I guess I have... there's an antisocial atmosphere due to fear and mistrust... my heart is not in that....yet I know it's changed a bit
 
To think that someone here thought my dogs each had their own rooms...because the house is so large... Anyone that have dogs know that your dogs want to sleep where you sleep... so they have their own beds in the room that I sleep...a floor cushion and each ...
 
You see, most of the homes here are shared with roomers...or boarders...because of the economy...which is pretty bad all over but especially here... I've even had strangers wanting to rent a room here... no freaking way....and it sadden me the desperation for someone to even ask...breaks my heart...
 
I don't know,  driving across the country while in the military... I would see folks with farms and a lot of land and wondered how is it that one family has so much and while driving through Arizona, I was met with an Indian reservation where a lot of folks lived in a tiny building.  To me, so sad...
 
Here folks look and wonder, how I can afford to put red bricks all around my yard at 2.00 a piece when they are going to the food banks for survival...I'm not feeling guilty at all because I remember getting up going to a job everyday and working towards my retirement, mind you a job I hated most days... but I got through it... barely...Now I am reaping what I sowed....
 
I like the house I am in but again my enviroment is not desired truthfully... I don't want to think of another move but in the back of my mind... maybe...
 
Where?
 
Oh!  Good Morning! 
takncarabizniz
DEFLECTION IS THE WEAPON OF COWARDICE !
Contributor
Sr. Member

Posts: 63979

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~


« Reply #7 on: 06 11, 10, 10:50:16:AM » Reply

I have long said that if I could I would bundle my whole house and yard up and move it.
 
It's the neighborhood for sure, that brings a person down.
 
But you are also the bright spot in your neighborhood.   I wish there was an easy answer, I'm afraid there is not...
 
My mother-in-law moved, by herself about 2 years after my father-in-law died, down to Arizona.  She was scared to death...bought a little podunk trailer house in the middle of the desert and spent her afternoons shooting rattlesnakes that kept trying to get her little chihuaha...then she met someone and he took up to the mountains in New Mexico, where she fell in love...and they are now married and moving there this summer...
 
But look on the bright side...you always have us?
 
 
 
luvtimes
Honored Member

Posts: 9998


« Reply #8 on: 06 11, 10, 11:06:31:AM » Reply

Sure, if it wasn't for my internet friends here that honestly give me joy each and every day...
 
Thanking Sun... and others for sharing their gardening... a passion of mines as you may all know by now... giving me a chance to dream and take away from the nightmare here to beautiful thought of possibilities...
 
I know I am viewed here as a spark...because through it all I keep getting up...always trying to improve...even if it's just to remove the grass from the cracks in the sidewalk... something I started here... even when I pick up trash on the block, I've notice less trash then ever...my conversations to them I may be poor but I'll never let anyone know it for sure... so I maintain my property as if it were something special... and they notice...the outdoor chairs on the porch and even the back gives folks a sense of neighborhood... speaking to everyone and calling them by name as if....we've been long lost friends...regardless if I don't know them personally or not...
 
I spoke to one neighbor who told me his name once and I forgot so I went on line and said next time I see him I will call him by his first... I did and he almost broke his neck trying to see who I was...he never spoke to anyone here but he speaks to me... how special...
 
now having said all that... why don't I feel home? 
 
Not yet... will give it a little more time, I guess...time heals all wounds....
 
I'm out of here for the rest of the day...but for sure, I'm so happy I have you all to share my deepest and darkest concerns...
 
takncarabizniz
DEFLECTION IS THE WEAPON OF COWARDICE !
Contributor
Sr. Member

Posts: 63979

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~


« Reply #9 on: 06 11, 10, 12:08:03:PM » Reply

All I'm hoping for now is a little sun...a little warmth...it's June and the heat is coming on in the house...it's only 40 degrees outside...!
 
I need to go play in my gardens...get my hands dirty.  I peeked outside yesterday and the petasites that I planted last month have gone crazy...my trees are blooming, my flowers want sun to dry them out...the roses are so heavy with water they are drooping to the ground and falling off in piles of mush...
 
But I have to share my pink dogwood picture...it's so glorious right now...
 
 
 

[attachment deleted by admin]
sunshine
Contributor
Sr. Member

Posts: 18077


« Reply #10 on: 06 11, 10, 12:37:41:PM » Reply

Taken that is my favorite tree ever! Beautiful. Also agree, luv, you probably brighten the day of many in your neighborhood. Glad you are in our cyberhood.  ( I just made that one up ) :-) That goes for all of you here.
takncarabizniz
DEFLECTION IS THE WEAPON OF COWARDICE !
Contributor
Sr. Member

Posts: 63979

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~


« Reply #11 on: 06 11, 10, 01:01:13:PM » Reply

I'm out of here for the rest of the day...but for sure, I'm so happy I have you all to share my deepest and darkest concerns...

I'm only gonna say it once though luv...be careful with that...some people on forums will use and abuse others when they have a shred of negative info they can use as weapons...we would never do that, but there are some here...I'm jus' sayin'...
Pages: 1 2 Print 
 |  General Discussion (Anxiety Free Zone)  |  Daily Life  |  Topic: I don't know but when I'm scared
Jump to:  

AesopsRetreat Links


AesopsRetreat
YouTube Channel



Rules For Radicals.



2nd Amendment Source



5 minute Education




Join Me at KIVA
My Kiva Stats


Truth About
Slaves and Indians




r/K Theory




White Privilege




Conservatives:
What Do We Believe


Part 1:
Small Govt & Free Enterprise

Part 2:

The Problem with Elitism

Part 3:
Wealth Creation

Part 4:
Natural Law



Global Warming Scam



Lend a hand


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP © AesopsRetreat
Powered by SMF 1.1.11 | SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines LLC
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.212 seconds with 37 queries.